Motherhood Check-in: 9 Months
I think I had previously proclaimed that the 4-5 month mark had been my favorite age so far. But I have to confess, 9-month old Finn - SO FUN! Finn made it through some rough teething and sleepless nights and came out the other side a lot happier, with a lot of personality, and the cutest little scrunched-nose smile! (His daycare literally just sent me this photo of him with that exact smile!)
The Tough Stuff
I have struggled with anxiety since becoming a mom, and in the past few months it has gotten worse. I touched on this a bit in yesterday's post. I get really nervous and my thoughts run wild at times. This anxiety really peaked at the end of January and I started feeling really depressed and emotionally exhausted by the end of the day. I did a lot of reading about this, and it's really normal for moms to feel like this. I started meditating and doing breathing exercises. I've also done a lot of reading on positive thinking and the power of attraction, and call me crazy, but within days, my anxiety has definitely lessened.I know I'm susceptible to getting depressed so it's really important to me to be self aware and recognize the signs. Lethargy, general disinterest, negative thinking. Since having Finn, I've been determined to really be present and in the moment. Things are going by so fast (I mean how is he 9 months old?) so the last thing I want is to be uninterested and wishing away the time.It has also become increasingly harder for me to leave Finn, especially when it's my time with him. I struggle a lot with the limited amount of time we get together. Before work, I typically get an hour or so with him, but it's usually while we are getting ready for the day. After work, we get about an hour and a half before bedtime. (We moved his bedtime up to 6:30, and let me tell you, it has made all the difference in the world. Before it was 30 minutes of crying. Now, we put him down, and if he cries, it's usually done within 5 minutes.) It's hard to leave him on nights and weekends when I get to spend quality time with him! I know it's important to take care of myself and take time for me so I've planned some trips - both for work and pleasure - in the coming months that will a.) give me something to look forward to b.) give me some practice at being away from Finn.
The Good Stuff
I've certainly hit my groove as a mom. I am feeling more confident and I am excited to see Finn develop into a little boy. I have gotten rather emotional about milestones. For instance, since he started crawling he is now being transitioned into an older room at daycare. I know it's good for him to be with his peers, but it's like a whole part of his life is over. He's no longer a squishy little infant - he's mobile!With his age, he's also developing more awareness for mom and dad. He's going through a "mommy" phase right now. He gives big hugs, holds on tight, and doesn't want me to pass him off to anyone. About ninety percent of the time, I love that he clings to me. But when I become his personal jungle gym, it's time for me to walk away - even if it's for just a minute!I always made fun of the saying "my heart is melting", but there really is no better saying to describe the feeling I have when I watch David and Finn together. They already have that father-son bond that I know David always looked forward to. I looked at them the other day and couldn't help but smile. I can't even explain how much I love those two!
Life is certainly different than it was a year ago. Parenting is tough. There's so much to do, so much to know, so many questions. There are exhausting days, and days where I miss the simplicity of life prior to having Finn. For us, the newborn stage was tough and life has progressively gotten easier. I know it will not always be that way, so we are truly savoring the moments. There is absolutely NOTHING in this world that could replace the feeling I get when Finn smiles at me or when I see him reach a new milestone.
PS. Motherhood Check-in at 6 months and The Best Advice I Received as a New Mom