Our First Few Weeks with Finn

Being a new mom is tough. Yup, I'm putting it out there. I love reading about other new mom's experiences, but sometimes I just laugh and think "lady, you aren't fooling anyone." I like to be honest about how I'm feeling and if that means spilling the beans on how a baby changes things, well then here goes.Listen, I love my baby. I love my husband and I love my dog and I love my job. I don't know why women always feel like they have to preface things with these kind of statements, but just in case anyone reads this and questions it, it's here in plain English. As I've probably said before, David and I were totally shocked to find out we were pregnant. We weren't planning it. We had just gotten married. And my sister was recently pregnant as well. Seeing the plus sign on the four pregnancy tests was one of those moments I'll never forget. Instead of feeling overjoyed, I immediately felt overwhelmed. I was sad, resentful, and completely unexcited. Somewhere around the time my bump appeared, my feelings started to change. And when we found out we were having a boy, I actually felt excitement.However, pregnancy isn't always exciting. It's full of sleepless nights, weird bodily changes, hormones, cravings, heartburn, leg cramps, tears, waddling, anticipation, anxiety and a lot of other stuff. You can pretty much use the same words to describe the first few months with baby.Sure, some women seem to be naturals. They feel as though they were born to be moms. I look at some of the women in my own life and think that. But when it comes down to it and you have the real conversations you realize that every single mom out there has had their moments. You know the ones, when you just lose control of your emotions and you end up crying in the shower? Or taking the car for a drive at 10pm cause you haven't been alone all day? The moments when it all gets to be a little too much.Childbirth is beautiful and seeing a newborn baby is beautiful, but until I had Finn I was around babies for a total of a few hours. If they cried, I'd hand them back to their mom. Now I am the mom, and sometimes, I just don't want that crying baby back! :)In all seriousness, the first few days and weeks home with Finn were a huge learning curve. Not only was I learning how to be a mom, but my body was doing all sorts of funky things. My belly went from big and hard to flabby and soft. I was learning how to breastfeed and dealing with all the discomforts that come with that. Breast pads, anyone? My body was getting rid of all the extra fluids (sorry TMI, but it's real life) and I was incredibly sore because, you know, I just had a baby.On top of all of that, Finn was learning how to be a human being (funny when you think about it that way) and he needed his mommy for a lot of that. He needed to eat, to be changed, to be held, to be bathed, and he didn't care what time it was. Of course David was a huge help, and my mom was a life saver the first week of his life, but when you are breastfeeding, you're the only one who has the goods to soothe the baby.Then there's the stuff. Diapers, wipes, ointment, bottles, nursing pads, lanolin, nipple shields. If we went anywhere, it was a marathon packing session before even walking out the door. Oh, and that going anywhere part? I was always trying to time it so I wouldn't have to think about where I was going to feed the baby. Sure, lots of moms are totally comfortable breastfeeding wherever they are. I'm not one of them, so get me home to my couch in plenty of time.There wasn't enough coffee in the world to make me feel awake enough to take on a day. There wasn't enough advice, enough books, enough blogs like this to make me truly understand what having a newborn would be like. Looking back now on those first few weeks I don't know if I even have to words to explain it all - it's all a big blur. Maybe that's the way it's meant to be. If you remember only bad things, you wouldn't decide to have another baby!Somehow your body keeps going. Somehow, you continue to get up in the middle of the night to feed baby. Somehow, your body heals itself and your baby grows. And somehow, before you know it, your baby is sleeping through the night, and blowing raspberries, and swatting at toys, and lifting his head on his own.This is my reality. And a lot of other mom's realities. I keep reminding myself that I've never been a mom before, so I'm not expected to be an expert or make it look easy. I can say that as time went on, things may not have gotten easier, but they have gotten happier! Finn may have given us a lot of sleepless nights, but he has given us even more love and excitement.Can any other moms relate?